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1) Come up to him in the streets, point to his sideburns, and ask, "Are those real?" [Mme Javert]
2) Handcuff him to Valjean. [Mme Javert]
3) Handcuff him to Gavroche. [Mme Javert]
4) Put Superglue on the inside of his hat so he can't take it off. [Mme Javert]
5) Steal his nightstick. [Mme Javert]
6) Break his nightstick in half. [Mme Javert]
7) Tie-dye his uniform. [Mme Javert]
8) Tell him it would be in his best interests to take swimming lessons. [Mme Javert]
9) Get him drunk. [Mme Javert]
10) Stand in a conspicuous place, in public, and yell "Inspector Javert is a gypsy bastard!" [Mme Javert]
11) Stand in a conspicuous place, in public, and yell "Hey, look! It's Snookums Javert!" [Mme Javert]
12) Constantly ask him, "How come you haven't caught Valjean yet?" [Mme Javert]
13) Cut his hair. [Mme Javert]
14) Dye his hair. [Mme Javert]
15) Shave his sideburns off. [Mme Javert]
16) Have several different people, in the course of a single day, come up to Javert and give him different tips to Valjean's hiding place -- in various ends of the country. [Mme Javert]
17) Tie him to a pole and refuse to kill him or let him go free. [Mme Javert]
18) Tell him that navy blue went out of fashion years ago -- turquoise is now the hot color. [Mme Javert]
19) Ask him why he is so obsessed with the stars. [Mme Javert]
20) Steal his snuff box. [Mme Javert]
21) Fill his snuff box with pepper. [Mme Javert]
22) Paste a big pink flower on his hat. [Mme Javert]
23) Tell him he was fired. [Mme Javert]
24) Pay a prostitute to follow him around all day and try to seduce him. [Mme Javert]
25) Pay a male prostitute to follow him around all day and try to seduce him. [Mme Javert]
26) Laugh at him because his hair is longer than yours -- and you're a girl. [Mme Javert]
27) Send him a forged letter from his mother. [Mme Javert]
28) Send him a forged letter from his father. [Mme Javert]
29) Get a gypsy to come find him and try to persuade him to come back "home." [Mme Javert]
30) Secretly tell the prefect that Javert has been skipping work to go to a brothel. [Mme Javert]
31) Shove a penguin up his rear end beak first. [Waylon]
32) Shove a penguin up his rear end feet first. [Waylon]
33) Make him read Les Mis. [Mme Javert]
34) Lock him in a room with a dozen children with short attention spans [Mme Javert]
35)
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