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Hackett's Plans For Reform:

*Totalitarianism! "I am the voice inside your head!"

*Singing For Seniors programs

*Conducting classes in every school

*Every Congressman should start his day by massaging the shoulders of the Congressman to his left

*Teach children how to speak Latin incorrectly, because English is such an awful language

*Use tax money to buy new stereo equipment and not let anyone touch it

*Begin World Conferences with an invigorating warm up

*Correct foreign ministers when they incorrectly pronounce "ah" in " you damn Americans!"

*He will hire a pretty blonde to give his political speeches and claim that everything said was his idea

*Kill the Oompa Loompa's!

*Pod seating for the Senate

* "There are two of me! I am always watching!

*Hackett can hack it!

*Use tax money to buy beautiful new grand pianos and let no one touch them

*Will start all sessions of Congress with 50 "Please stop talking"s

"Ch Ch ChCh Ch" will be our new national anthem demanding an immediate salute

*Senate will fill out yearly evaluations discussing what has been accomplished; namely, nothing.

*Required to grow long, shaggy hair

*Give long, windy speeches on totally unrelated topics to the original subject of discussion

*Will give dirty looks to anyone interrupting his lectures

* "Put everything not related to the government away"

*Will find a way to incorporate the "Music makes you smarter because…" spiel in every speech he makes

*Will give roll-y chairs to all members of Congress and then forbid them to travel on the roll-y chairs

*Will forbid all food, drink (except for water) and gum from the Senate and House

*Will give every member of Congress a number and tell them to count off so he can take attendance

*Will allow any member of Congress to leave at any time as long as he/she signs out

*Will give each Congressman a copy of "Basic Literacy for Members of Congress" and refer to it during every single session

*Will ask "How many of you have no idea what's going on?" after each lecture

*Will make huge blocks of wood to serve as passes to allow the Congressmen to leave at any time to use the restroom

*Will perform the role of JESUS in every performance of JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR.

*At the end of each session of Congress, he will say "I bid you peace; have a good day."

*When it is time to enact new laws to keep people from breaking current ones, he will say "Abuse leads to policy..." as an opener for a speech

*He will record his speeches using an eighteen-track mixer/recorder and dub five versions of the speech on top of each other(so it sounds like there are five of him), so that he can talk to Congress without actually being there.

*He will ban all beauty products, such as makeup, from Congress, saying "Please do not apply personal care products in my Senate house!"

*When the representatives get out of hand, he will yell at them and say "You turkeys!" and "Don't be weird!"

*When trying to decide how to word a certain bill, he muses, "There are many ways to skin the political cat..."

*He will require all schools to have as a core graduation requirement courses such as "Seminars in Music Technology" and "Music Major," rationalizing that "Music makes you smarter!"

*Unskilled piano players will plague the country, especially unskilled piano players who are also chorus directors...

*Gummi Bears will adorn the ceiling of the House of Representatives, thrown by rebellious Congressmen when the President wasn't looking...

*He will have an odd and useless quote from some unknown person adorning the door to the Oval Office, and it changes whenever he finds a new one.

*Will steal interesting lines and quotes from people he's met before and use them as his own.

*The doors to the Congress meeting rooms will be locked unless there is a session going on so that rebellious Congressmen won't have the chance to throw Gummi Bears and get them stuck to the ceiling.

*Only Ecclesiastical Latin, spoken with an Italian accent with beautiful vowels, will be taught in schools, and Classical Latin will be abolished, making noted Latin scholars and professors extremely furious.

*High school students will be required to take at least one year of chorus in order to graduate. This is so that female high school vocalists won't outnumber male high school vocalists 13,000 to 1.

*After speaking for about ten minutes, he will refer to his "two and a half hour" speech that he just gave.

*He will give the Senators rules for making laws, and then tell them that it's okay to ignore those rules.

*He has the tendency to repeat the exact same speech over and over again, often eliciting groans from veteran Congresspeople who have heard this speech more times than they can count

* "If you're not in your seat, you're late!"

*When in session and working hard, he will say "We'll go over this about 20 more times until we're sure we've done it right," or some other excessively large number.

* "Good luck; see you at the end!"

* He will never allow a Senate Lock-In, because he's got "a wife and kid at home and better things to do" than spend the entire night with "you turkeys!"
 

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